The marathon of mindlessness is nearly over.
Filling the gaping void caused by the end of footy season and the late arrival of England to Australian shores, nearly two months of pre-Ashes banter driven largely by mischievous former players—or ‘has beens’ as Ben Stokes has labelled them—is mercifully set to ease as the actual teams begin to assemble in Perth for the first Test which begins next Friday.
It means the cricketing media can now start to actually report on, wait for it, the cricket.
Highlights (or is that ‘lowlights’?) Of an excruciating Ashes build-up so far include Dave Warner, who strode to the wicket early and attempted to land one in the crowd by reopening old wounds around England’s supposed penchant for ‘moral victories.’
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Mitchell Johnson has been sending down weekly thunderbolts, most recently questioning the credentials of English strike weapon Jofra Archer.
And, of course, Glenn McGrath’s traditional prediction of a 5-0 Australian series sweep never fails to entertain—surely they’ll still be wheeling ‘Pigeon’ out in 40 years’ time, not unlike John Howard during a Liberal Party election campaign.
For the English, former captains Atherton, Pietersen and Vaughan have toiled hard to hold up an end, expressing all of the to-be-expected British pessimism and being equally as scathing about their own side’s flaws and foibles, as they’ve been of Australia’s.
Time for words is nearly over
With the proliferation of podcasts, punditry and platforms in 2025, it’s actually been a little hard to keep up.
Depending on the day and the publication, ‘Bazball’ is either inept and doomed to fail—or brilliant and set to conquer.
Jofra Archer is either the second coming of Jeff Thompson—or an injury-prone enigma who’ll struggle to stay fit for five days let alone five Test matches.
Australia are either an ageing ‘Dad’s Army’—or a battle-hardened squad with levels of experience that Ben Stokes and England can only dream of.
While former England skipper Joe Root is either set to end his Test career winless and century-less in Australia—or as the hero of the entire series.
Regardless of who has said what, and whether they even meant it or were simply stirring the pot, the time for words is almost over as the real talking begins on what promises to be lively pitch in Perth.
Let’s all thank the cricketing gods for that.